Married to an Addict in Recovery? Tips for a Sober Spouse

Contact us today to learn about our Murfreesboro, Tennessee rehab. Addiction is complex, and so it will take time to unpick it and fix your relationship. Understanding the root cause of your addiction will help you solve problems and challenges you may face. Attending support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous , Narcotics Anonymous , or Al-Anon is beneficial throughout recovery.

• But recovery means you have to take responsibility for your life.
• If you cannot communicate honestly, it will be hard for your partner to trust you.
• I think you know all this; it’s why you wrote to me.
• Recovery will change your marriage just like active addiction changed your relationship.
• It is only after the recovery of both partners is solidly underway that it is safe for them to attempt true intimacy with each other.

Family members themselves will yell, scream, withdraw, cajole, rant, criticize, understand, n … Abuse of alcohol or drugs is the No. 3 reason cited by women in divorces. Compare these numbers to the number of married couples in the United States during the same time period. After multiple treatment centers, I entered Casa and feel like a switch clicked.

Living With a Spouse in Recovery

This reflects the shame that lies beneath the caretaking, self-sacrificing, role of being a super-responsible partner — shame that underlies codependency. If your spouse went through successful detox treatment for a considerable period of time, they might have changed quite a lot. Watch for signs of backsliding into unhealthy ways, including placing blame and verbal abuse. Both of you need to learn how to release stress and divert tension while maintaining trust and open communication. If you want to be supportive of your partner’s long-term recovery, you must build healthy boundaries and know when to refrain from conflicts.

Addiction to drugs or alcohol is often experienced by one partner in a marriage. But sometimes, both partners struggle with substance use. It is only after the recovery of both partners is solidly https://ecosoberhouse.com/ underway that it is safe for them to attempt true intimacy with each other. When your loved one was in active addiction, it’s likely that part of your identity was based on their addiction.

Marriage in recovery: I goad R in the same way my mother goaded me when I was a child

If you cannot communicate honestly, it will be hard for your partner to trust you. They may worry about you and doubt your recovery. In turn, it will prove challenging to rebuild your marriage after rehab. That’s why we wrote a new ebook that we are announcing today. It’s about our struggles to survive alcoholism recovery and hold our marriage together. A Spouse’s Guide to Alcoholism Recovery, Sheri and I worked together to write our new ebook from her perspective.

I don’t know of a single relationship problem that was solved by drinking. But recovery means you have to take responsibility for your life. And because I’d been drinking heavily for so long, it meant I, too, had a lot of growing up to do. He didn’t have a job and was struggling to find one because the country where we live is a bit tricky for job-seeking male spouses.

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By walking through the recovery process together, you’ll both become stronger and healthier on the other side. No matter how long your family has lived under the oppression of addiction, there are bound to be residual concerns, issues and feelings. These fears will come up eventually and should marriage after sobriety be addressed as you work on your marriage. However, some people may have difficulty verbalizing their concerns. The layers of intimacy are different for an addicted person. Notice that in the addicted person, almost no energy or attention is available to engage in friendship or true intimacy.

• The destruction lingers long after we drink our last drop.
• I spent too much money and had nothing to show for it so he had to hide money to make sure the bills got paid.
• Bill would draw me in emotionally and then shut the door tight, with me on the outside.
• Some people use drugs to hide difficult feelings and go through a difficult situations.
• You can also write letters to one another as you learn to communicate openly, honestly, and lovingly again.
• So, at just shy of two years sober and two weeks into our newly minted marriage, my husband and I sat on the stiff, gray couch in our new therapist’s office.

They have grown together, and together they have grown stronger. The marriage won’t look the same as it used to, back in the days of addiction, but that can be a good thing. When my first child was born in 2007, it took everything I had to not run from caring for him. I am the daughter of one person with alcohol addiction and another with a substance addiction. And, before I got pregnant, I hadn’t been with my son’s father, who is now my husband (we’ll get to that later) long enough to know if I wanted something long-term. Sometimes you have to move backward before you can ever hope to go forward.

When long-awaited sobriety finally arrives, partners expect their past relationship problems will disappear. Often, there is a “honeymoon” period when they’re on their best behavior and reaffirm their love and commitment. After all that they’ve been through together, they have high hopes for a rosy future and easier times ahead.

As an industry professional 12 Keys has become one of my most trusted resources. Patient care and engagement are always top notch, and I know that I can always trust that the patient and their families will be in the best position to recover.

AAPA Clinical Staff

I lived with this conflicted view of the man I loved. I perceived him as an accomplished executive with a relational leadership style appreciated by his colleagues. It tortured me that he could not stop his drinking. At first, the recovering person may seek justification for his negative feelings and reactions.

• We did this tightrope walk through two extended stretches of sobriety and two big relapses.
• He tends to be overly sensitive and is easily upset by anything different or unexpected.
• I discovered that those traits were his innate qualities and not alcohol-induced.
• The time alone gave me space to do my own soul work and attend to my own life.
• We gladly paid upwards of $100 USD per person for 4-5 hours of unlimited drinks and buffets.